Rock Hard Sword 3: Titanium Erection!
by Lordoftheslice
Summary: THE EPIC CONCLUSION TO THE **EROTIC LORD OF THE RINGS** FANFIC! OH MY GAWD! BO-NARS DONE FOR!111 MODDLE EARTHS WOMEN MUST BE SAVED! WILL ROCK HARD SWORD AND STRAWBERRY SHIELD COME BACK FROM THE DEAD...AGAIN! OH MY GOD YES! ITS FINALLY HERE! YAAAAAAAAAA! west side!


Rock Hard Sword 3: Titanium Erection!

It has been a long time since we have visited Middle earth and it's Struggles with the Evil Bo-Nar... Grab some Ale and wrap your arms around a loved one and let's finish this tale of Middle Earths Greatest hero.

Two men are fucking just standing around doing normal shit.

(Man) Apparently this guy named strawberry shield stacked some bricks on his grave and it fucking brought him back to life somehow!  
(Man 2) Bullshit!  
(Man) I think it's true man! Then they wen't to destroy Bo-Nar and accidentally fucked Magic Johnson and died of Aids really fast!  
(Man 2) Whatever man, just pour the aids cure on the bones and lets go home and eat that marketside pizza that we got in the walmart deli.

The two men were standing over a pile of bones with a vial of liquid that was the cure for aids. They poured it on the bones...

(Man 2) See, nothing happened!

The 2 men went home and ate the high quality wal-mart deli pizza, they had just got the regular cheese pizza and added their own toppings.  
3 days later...

Knock knock

(Man) Hey, can you see whos at the door?  
(man 2) Sure...  
Man 2 goes to the front door and opens it!  
(Man 2) OH MY FUCKING GOD!

MOTHER FUCKING ROCK HARD SWORD AND STRAWBERRY SHIELD CAME BACK TO LIFE AND SNIFFED THE TRAIL OF THE WAL MART PIZZA BACK TO THERE HOUSE AND FUCKING ATE THE HELL OUT OF IT AND MASTURBATED 3 TIMES TO GET ALL THE MAGIC JOHNSHON AIDS RESIDUE CRUST OUT THERE BALLS THE FUCKING SAT AT THE TABLE AND CAME UP WITH A PLAN TO FINALLY SAVE ALL OF MIDDLE EARTHS BITCHES! OH MY GOD YES!  
(Rock Hard Sword) Ok strawberry shield, this is what we know. Bo-Nar is still alive and still has all of middle earths bitches trapped in his castle, but we still don't know where the castle is!

(Strawberry Shield) Right! So what do we do!?  
(Rock Hard Sword) The only thing we can do, FUCK THE INFORMATION OUT OF PEOPLE!  
(Strawberry Shield) But there are only dudes left in the world, Human Bitches, Elf Bitches, Dwarf bitches, Hobbit bitches, ALL BITCHES are trapped in his castle...  
(Rock Hard Sword) Right...but there are shemales left...Thats not completely gay...  
(Strawberry Shield) Lets do this shit...To the Dwarf city for info!

FUCKING ROCK HARD SWORD AND STRAWBERRY SHIELD STOLE A BIG WHITE SCHOOL BUST THAT WAS CONVERTED INTO A SUNDAY MEXICAN'S GO TO TOWN VAN AND FUCKING DROVE TO THE DWARF CITY OF COCK-TOPIA!

They enter a bar!

(Strawberry shield) WHERES THE SHEMALES AT!  
(Rock Hard Sword) YOU THERE, THE DWARF, WHOS SUPER HAIRY AND HAS A BEARD, THAT TOTALLY STILL LOOKS LIKE A MAN EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOUR WEARING A BRA AND SEEM TO HAVE HAD BREAST IMPLANTS! COME WITH US!

Rock Hard sword and strawberry shield DON'T EVEN MOTHER FUCKING ASH QUESTIONS THEY JUST START DOUBLE TEAMING THAT FUCKING DWARF! HIS/HER AXE P\FUCKING FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH WITH EVERY THRUST THERE AWESOME FUCKING COCKS MAKE!

(Rock Hard Sword) WHERE IS BO-NAR HIDING!  
(Dwarf Shemale) OH MY GOD, MY ASS IS SPLITTING OPEN AND I DRUNK A WHOLE BOTTLE OF MAGNESIUM CITRATE JUST BEFORE I GOT TO THE BAR, GALLONS OF PURE LIQUID SHIT IS ABOUT TO COME OUT OF MY RECTUM!  
(Strawberry Shield) LIES! THRUST HARDER ROCK HARD!  
(Dwarf Shemale) OH MY GOD NYOOOOOOOO!  
OH MY GOD FUCKING PURE LIQUID SHIT STARTS SPRAYING EVERYWHERE!  
(Rock Hard Sword) THIS DOSENT CHANGE ANYTHING! KEEP THRUSTING STRAWBERRY!  
(Strawberry Shield) IT SMELLS LIKE ROTTEN HORSE MEAT OH MY GOD, ILL KEEP GOING BUT I THINK IM GOING TO!...

NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! FUCKING STRAWBERRY SHIELD FUCKING VOMITS ALL OVER THE DWARF SHEMALES BACK AND IT MIXES WITH THE GALLONS OF SHIT THAT ARE COMING OUT AND THEIR IS A CHEMICAL REACTION, THE VOMIT/SHIT MIXTURE IS BURNING THE FLESH OF THE DWARF!

(Rock Hard Sword) OK! TELL US NOW AND WE WILL WASH THE ACID OFF YOU, WHERE IS BO-NARS CASTLE!  
(Dwarf Shemale) OH MY GAWD! I DONT KNOW, I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA!  
(Rock Hard Sword) YOU LIE!  
(Strawberry Shield) Ummm...Rock Hard...I think he just dosent know...I mean, it is just a random shemale were fucking...  
(Rock Hard Sword) Ummm...You may be right. Sorry sir..umm...maam...Have a wonderful day.  
(Dwarf Shemale) You as well. Dont worry I wont go to the cops or nothing, would you like some soda and cheez its.  
(Rock Hard Sword) No thank you, we shall go to the Human city and she if we can get info there.

Rock Hard Sword and Strawberry shield go to an Adult day care center for senior citizens. They bust through the door!

(Rock Hard Sword) SHEMALES! PREPARE TO GET FUCKED IN THE ASS, MOUTH, ARMPIT AND LEFT NOSE CAVITY!

THE 2 MOTHER FUCKING HEROS START FORCE FUCKING EVERY SENIOR CITIZEN WHO HAS EVEN SEMI LONG HAIR!  
(rock hard sword) TELL US WHAT WE NEED TO KNOW!

(Strawberry shield) YOU THERE, WITH THE HAIR PIECE ON THAT IS SLIGHTLY LONGER TO INDICATE THAT THIS IS REAL HAIR BUT YOU JUST HAVEN'T HAPPENED TO GET IT CUT IN TIME AND NOW IT IS VERY SLIGHTLY SHAGGY, TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF AND SUSPENDERS!

ROCK HARD SWORD AND STRAWBERRY SHIELD REMOVE HIS/HER CLOTHES AND THEN HIS/HER DIAPER, THEY GET SOME BABY WIPES AND CLEAN HIS ASSHOLE OUT BECAUSE HE/SHE WAS IN A WHEEL CHAIR AND FUCKING SHIT AND PISS ALL OVER THEMSELF, THEY BEGIN VIOLENTLY FUCKING HIM IN THE MOUTH AND ASS HOLE!

(Rock hard sword) TELL US WHAT WE WANT TO KNOW OR WERE GOING TO FILL YOUR OLD ASS HOLES UP WITH CUM, YOU DONT WANNA GET PREGNANT DO YOU! WHERE IS FUCKING BO-NARS CASTLE AT!  
(Elderly man-woman-slightly shaggy hair piece) 2 blocks up the road, first trailer on your left.  
(Rock Hard Sword) Oh my god...  
(Strawberry Shield) Oh my god...

THEY DID IT! THEY FINALLY FOUD OUT WHERE BO-NARS CASTLE IS! OH MY FUCKING GOD, OH MY GOD, THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN, THEY ARE FINALLY GOING TO SAVE ALL OF MIDDLE EARTHS BITCHES!

(Rock hard sword) LET ME FINISH IN HER OLD ASS FIRST AND THEN WE SAVE THE DAY!  
(Strawberry shield) ME TO! OH MY GAWD!

BOTH GUYS, SIMULTANISLY SPRAY GALLONS OF MAN JUICE INSIDE OF HERM!

DA-DA-DA-DADA!

Rock Hard Sword and Strawberry shield arrive at Bo-nars castle...they knock on the door.

(Bo-nar) OH MY GOD! YOU CAME BACK TO LIFE...  
(Rock Hard Sword) We came back to life twice actually.  
(Bo-Nar) What now...

Rock hard sword pulls his sword out and cuts off bo-nars watermelon balls...and his tiny fucking NON-AWESOME weiner. Bo-nar then takes out an elven shotgun and blows his own head off and dies. All of middles earths bitches come running out the front door and re-populate there respected cities.

Rock Hard Sword calls frodo and brags about is big adventure...

Strawberry Shield dies of crabs one week later.

MIDDLE EARTH WAS HAPPY AGAIN!

THE END!111


End file.
